Monday, April 03, 2006

Just Waiting for a Darwin Award -With Updates!

For my One Hundredth Post and next trick: I shall give you a list. Some of the Least Intelligent Things I've Done, in bullet points and no particular order, for your viewing pleasure.

  • Ran wildly around the blacktop while wearing jelly sandals (circa 1984) I've still got the scar on my knee to prove what a bad, bad idea this is.
  • Skinny-dipped in broad daylight within both 500 feet of a construction site and my father. (Didn't get caught!)
  • Skinny-dipped at a public beach, with friends, during a red tide Click the link, please! (Please note: Again, didn't get caught)
  • Got in a mud wrestling match in full view of my sisters and their two friends. They were completely enraptured. Their mothers, who arrived early to pick them up - not so much.
  • Ran barefoot in the snow on more than one occasion, for more than fifty feet, with no destination in sight.
  • Started eating expensive cheeses and Nutella.
  • Started watching 24.
  • Discovered the "24 Drinking Game" ("In which you are required to drink whenever the words "profile", "protocol", or "satellite" are uttered. We have drinking games for most shows that we watch, but the 24 drinking game is somehow the most satisfying. Other good 24 drinking words include "perimeter", "hostile", and "tactical." Or, if you would like to die of alcohol poisoning, you can just go with "Jack." Your liver may never forgive you.") This game and the previous quotes are thanks to: Miss Doxie. You should be reading her stuff, because she is pretty and has eight dogs and a bunch of pallets on her front yard that are not hers.
  • Watched both of my sisters be born. I think the real "Miracle of life," was that I didn't gouge out my eyes with a spoon.
  • Left my cool new leather wallet and all the money I'd saved over probably a year in the balls at Chuck E. Cheese. (Age six or so, funds probably about $30.00, wallet was a cool leather one from Costa Rica that I still wish I had!)
  • Left my wallet, id. and all money on my desk at home, taken the train to San Clemente to visit friends for the weekend. (Sensing a theme, are we?) Circa 1995 or so - The upside? A nice lady I'd been chatting with on the train before I realized I was flat broke and far from home gave me $40.00. I mailed it back to her with a thank-you when I got home. Yes, the $40.00 covered my entire weekend.
  • Expected people to mind thier own business/stop asking The Question* when I say, "We're not."
  • Wore a sweatshirt with a ribbon-belt thing over three-quarter length knickers. Allowed myself to be photographed wearing this outfit and a dorky smile.
  • Not taking the medicine, waiting until I was breaking out in hives to see the doctor for something I knew was a bad thing long before that time.
  • Expected to remain 'just friends'.
  • Insisted on sharing clothes/shoes with my sisters, based on a (misguided) conviction that they would some day share their clothes with me.
  • Wished/expected to be taken seriously, have people* "Respect my authoritah!"
  • while still smiling and being nice. *Male clients especially, in my past job.
  • Cleaned up an event in the pouring rain, wearing only a tank top and a skirt, because I felt very warm at the time. Not recognizing the 'very warm' feeling as a 'fever' and ignoring the extremely sore throat I already had. Been surprised that I got sick as a result.
*The Question: "When are you gonna have a baaaby? When? When!?" - This is usually followed by, "Ohh, you'll change your mind someday!" and is pretty much the reason I stay in my house some days.

Now, its your turn! Go! I can't possibly be the only one who thought holding an impromptu conference on a rooftop with my best friend at night, in the rain was a great idea. Right?

Right? Right!

6 comments:

the sightspeed guy said...

red tide - i always wondered why it stunk in carlsbad & salinas.

skinny dipping - not a big deal if no one sees you and you're under 18.

run barefoot in the snow - not a bad idea; it kills foot funk right quick.

drinking games - c'mon. why is this even on here?

eating expensive cheese & nutella - what everyone who makes more than $10/hour should do. see drinking games.

Meepers said...

Red tide = florescent bathing suit. Drinking games only apply as a Dumb Thing to Do when you are sick. Otherwise: Carry on. Nutella/Cheese - fine for those with metabolisms. All others: Fun because I DIDN"T get frostbite/arrested.

Lynn said...

You got smelly phytoplankton on your naughty bits!

This list is very, very entertaining. Don't think I can top it!

(But I'm going to try. Mwahaha!)

Meepers said...

I did indeed - ever have a glow-in-the-dark hoo-ha? Comedic potential goldmine.

Lynn said...

Can't say that I have.

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