I Heart Craig and his List

Spacious studio, five minutes from downtown and easy walking distance to De La Vina shops and eateries such as The Daily Grind and Cajun Kitchen. Amenities include high ceilings, skylight, huge walk-in closet, large bathroom, unique Murphy bed, full kitchen and lots of storage space. Basic cable, water, power, trash, free access to laundry facilities and off-street parking included. Only a wireless card is needed for access to high-speed Internet - seperate entry and a nice neighborhood make this perfect for a single professional or someone who works from home. No smoking, no drugs please. Well-mannered cat considered. Please call (our information) 10 am - midnight for a showing.

We're renting our studio out right now ... as you may have gathered. This happens from time to time, and is always a bit of a tetchy (yes, I said, tetchy, not touchy) issue for the both of us - after all, we're always hoping to find that perfect person that will stay for a long time, not nag us with a bunch of weird requests, park in the right spot and keep the place reasonably hygenic...oh and also, pay the rent. That bit is crucial, you know? Any rate, through the miracles of Craigslist and a good old-fashioned sign, I've had a good number of people call me (or me, then Scott, then me again, leaving increasingly frantic messages on both our services) in the last couple of days.

See the bolded part of my ad, up yonder? The part where it says "Please call from 10 am to midnight"? By my calculations, that is 14 out of 24 hours in which folks are welcome to call me. Let me ask you something, now... If you were to read that ad, when would you call it, if you were hoping to speak with someone about renting a place? What time would you choose to pick up the phone and call? Please let me know, seriously.

Because I've been getting phone calls since seven flippin' a.m. I realize that is not exactly the crack of dawn, yes, yes I do. But why? why? Why must I three messages from someone who I can't quite make out the name of, before nine in the morning? Why is it when I call the individuals who so desperately wanted to speak with me before, I get an answering machine that says "If uuu reeeave us a 'esssage, wee 'ill callll youuu baaaaaaaaaaa, sa taaa daa baa ba gok daa baaaa!" in a high, childish voice that sounds just a little bit demented. Why? The following is a collection of my most interesting (colorful?) applicants over the years.

• The six-foot-tall gent with blue-painted toenails and told us about his fascinating employment in the adult industry.
  
• The man and his very-pregnant girlfriend who tried to offer us an extra seven hundred dollars (totally illegal, and we'd never do that by the way)
  
• The music teacher who tried to tell us about how she communes with Gaia via her muuuusic.
• The people (there have been a few) who clearly reeked of cigarette smoke, but told us they weren't smokers.
• The older lady who quizzed us brusquely for twenty minutes on what we do, what our plans are, what hours we keep, sharply informed us that she would not be tolerant of our noise, and then finished off by saying that she thought it was "too small for her cats."
• Nice guy with two Boxers. Ummm.... this is an apartment. With no yard. Where, pray tell, would the Boxers, go?
  
• Man who wanted to convert us over to being vegans and gave us an extensive health history. Gah!

So you see, campers, what fun it is to be the landlord. Call me Mrs. Kravitz, but come on now! Oh, and a special note to "Elaine" - I'm totally not calling you back, based solely on the number of messages you left me previous to nine am. Sorry, dear, but you're just to high-maintenence already. See ya!