Saturday, November 11, 2006

Shameful Saturday

I am not a creature of extreme restraint. That being said, I try and bite my tongue around most people - for one, it is the Mature thing to do and also, it's better for business. Today, however I did two things that while I'm not proud of, per se, I feel a little bit OK about. Item Number One: Made a rather rapid exit from a large gathering of people, because I didn't want to be harassed, questioned, bothered, accosted or quizzed or queried about....anything. I just walked out, dropped my cute new shades over my eyes, and made a beeline for our car and checked my voice mail.

Item Number Two: Made a comment that sounded exactly like an innocent question, but was really a poison-laced barb of disgust to an old acquaintance. Laughed about it, felt no remorse about being a (tiny) bit mean. It was a perfect example of why it is a Bad Idea to mistreat my friends. Ever.

Item Number Three: You may not have been reading here way back in the day, but allow me to re-cap: I have a seventy-six year old home. It was built before television, computers, the Slinky, seamless stockings, or the atomic bomb even existed. While it has charming features (darling original built-in bar, cute kick moldings, funky windows), it does NOT boast a spacious bathroom. Or even a small bathroom.

No, no...my bathroom is precisely six feet by six feet (aka The Size of a Postage Stamp), and retains the original, hideous, peach (shudder) tile. Unfortunately, when the previous owners decided to add on to our house (or convert the garage that the owners prior to them had added on, I'm not sure) they caused one hideous problem: There are no outside windows to my bathroom. To 'solve' the problem, they installed a weeeeeak fan and a skylight. The fan turns on with the light switch, but has the approximate power and suction of an asthmatic dog doing Lamaze. As you can imagine, these are the ideal breeding grounds for all kinds of ickies - which means bleach is a frequent visitor at our house.

Sooooo...all of this leads up to Item Number Four (hideous shame): Up until yesterday, I had only put one coat of Redi-Strip on the walls, and done only minimal sanding. Since there are seventy six years' worth of paint on the walls, the first coat only served to make the top five coats of paint kind of sit up and say, "I'm sorry, did you nudge me? Hmmmm?". As of Friday afternoon, I slathered a couple of (partial) walls and the ceiling in a nice, thick slurry of pale green Redi-Strip, felt a little hiiiigh, and went over to Christie and Jeremy's' house to have a shower, a chicken plate from La Super Rica and a glass of wine. So by avoiding showering (again with the shame) this morning, we were able to let the stripping solution do the job they are meant to.

I arrived home this evening, full of frustration (see: Item Number One) and mean elation (see: Item Number Two) and found a perfect outlet for both feelings: Chipping seventy-six years' worth of paint off one panel of the back of my bathroom door.

Item Number Three: Whoever owned my house had really, truly, awful taste. The original owners must have been color-blind...the sixth or seventh layer of paint down from our current outer layer put down dark pea-green paint. Horrible, ugly, pea-green, that the next painter(s) sought to conceal with a 'flesh' coral-pink. Whoever bought it from them painted over in a crappy "neutral" color, added an aggravating mirrored-tile closet* to my 'bedroom;, and demolished my fireplace. The people who got it from them did the add-on (effectively) causing the mildew issue I currently have and added a skylight that ensures that the advance of satelite technology will allow me to Google Earth myself in the shower...I hold them all in contempt.
*I refer to this closet as the "bad 70's porn" closet. Trust me when I say there is nothing, nothing, more frightening than seeing your own reflection in the mirror on waking.

Heaven help whoever buys this place from us.....because I have PLANS for this place.

1 comment:

Chiada said...

Ohhhh Maya, Oh Meepers, Oh Darling. I LOVE, LOVE, LOOOOVE the bit about Google Earthing yourself whilst in the shower. LOL. And the mirror? Dude, the porn mirror is pretty hilarious too. But, at least you HAVE cute built ins and transom windows and nice high baseboards and nice window trim. Our house, while being 66 years old, has no character to speak of whatsoever. No built ins. No cool transom windows. No casement windows! No nice baseboard. We got stuck with a non-fireplace non-dishwasher house in bad need of new interior drywall throughout, all new door/window framing, new baseboards, pretty much the works. *sigh* I suppose it could be worse. At least you live in S.B. and your house is now worth a ridiculous amount. You have that much going for you. Oh, and I happen to have a picture of you from J.K. and Erin's wedding where you are doing exactly what you describe in Item No. 1: wearing shades, and putting on that expression on your face, which I will not expound upon. :D If I didn't know you, I'd say everyone should be afraid. Be very afraid. :D LOL *kiss!* Just kidding. You know I love ya.