Sunday, November 27, 2005

Bowled Over

Call me old - or just old-fashioned...

But WHAT IS GOING ON WITH ALL THE CEREAL? Why must we recieve a CD-Rom with our Rice Krispies, a mini diarama with our berry/flake stuff, and an offer for some kind of Golden Ticket in our choc... wait a minute, nevermind about that one. I mean, I KNOW cereal has been the medium for a medly of interesting, if cheap small items that are mostly good for stepping on, getting stuck in the couch cracks and 2.4 seconds of mild entertainment, best enjoyed when one is still sporting bed-head and half-opened eyes as fashion/lifestyle choices.

Maybe its because of all the stupid cereeal we have now - Miniature chocolate rolls, cinnamon flavored mini-cakes - for Breakfast? Why don't they just market them as dessert? Now, I admit, once in a while I get a serious Cocoa Crispy Jones - but how, how do they stay in business? Who buys this crap? Who? Who? Tell me, please! Whoooooo?

Everyone knows that I love anything sweet - Lemonheads, Fireballs, (good) chocolate - so why the hate? I can tell you why in three words:Flu + Pneumonia + Lucky Charms = Haaaaaaaaate. Trust me, this is as much as you want (or need) to know.

At Vons, there is an entire aisle devoted to stuff that I once once convinced S. was made of pencil shavings. For an entire week. Fruits and vegetables share a side aisle with the chilled drinks. And THAT'S what's wrong with America today, kids.

That and the fact that I have no idea what my original point was (and I did have one)

So - news update for those of you who are still reading and haven't gone off to eat a bowl of grape nuts or something... Lisa (S's sister) is due about the 28th of this (September). The baby (girl) will be named Marie Claire. I suggested Elle, Harper, O(prah?) McCall, and Vogue, since she was going with magazine names. (heee! ...almost kidding) Her OB is some kind of OB-to-the stars and counts among her former clients Annette Benning. Her suggestions (as per my chats with Lisa) have been:

1) Having C-section so that the happy couple can "visit Disneyland" (and now a moment of silence so that we can all shudder, shower and scrub our minds out) again in the near future. Sorry. that is just plain... wrong. Not the C-section part- that is all a matter of personal choice and medical need. I'm talking about referring to, ummm.. marital relations as "visiting Disneyland". I will never be able to go to Disneyland again without a faint tinge of ickyy!
2) Using a "formula supplement" for the first few weeks - ummm... correct me if I'm wrong but... isn't it true that you're more likely to LOSE your milk if you formula feed? Why? Why would she say that...unless... she knew that is what her client(s) wanted to hear? Again: Personal CHOICE rules!

This is why I'm so SICK of THE QUESTION... You know what I'm talking about. THE ONLY QUESTION ANYONE WHO HASN'T SEEN ME IN OVER THREE DAYS ASKS. Shall we all say it together now, ready? 1, 2, 3, "When are you gonna have a baaaaaybeeee? Wheeeeennnn? Whyyy nooooot?" (Followed by "Oh, you'll change your mind")

Sure - just what I need to do... become a (fat, stretch-marked, haggy and utterly blissful dont'tellanyoneIknow) stress-ball over yet another thing, than have some over-educated, under-compassionate doctor tell me I should supplement with formula. Which, in my advance state of sleep deprivation (brought on by a combo of screaming sprog, baby moniter triple checking and S asking me to rub HIS back because he's tired of holding said sprog.) I do. Than oh boysie! Spending 1.5 years - no wait, make that 18.5 years (at least!) explaining/validating my choices and decisions too.. the same bunch of people who have been more or less harassing me every day for years already. And who would undoubtedly start asking me about 4 days post-partum when was I going to have anooother one to give the first one a sibling?

Can't win... ever!

Updated to add: She was born, and was extremely delicate and petite and heartbreakingly cute and well-behaved. Note: People, I KNOW an ugly baby when I see one. This is a beautiful baby, and I would be lying through my teeth if I said that I didn't want to take her home with me both to hold/love/kiss/snuggle/smell/care for/ her forever and b) save her from her mother, who is a Bad Person and also IMHO, a seriously crap mother and c) I wish every day that i could have a daughter. Of any kind. Even one like the baby I was. Note: According to my mum, she was up every hour on the hour with me. Till I was like two.
Here we are:


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