Monday, December 26, 2005

B.I.M.B.Y. Invitation to the Masses

Hello! I'd like to post an updated copy of an email I sent out to a couple of friends about two years ago. It was such a surprise hit that it got forwarded and forwarded all over the place, so I've revised a few things and submit the Cyber-Binby Charter Invitation to all ye who care to read it. Here it is:

Friends, Californians, fellow women of the world.. Lend me your eyes for a few moments. In the last five to ten years of my life, I have seen an ever increasing number of young, vibrant women who have piles of potential of all kinds, yet due to the situations that surround them, become bored, bitter, despondant or hopeless. This situation must be remedied asap.

I say, let the healing begin, let go (or at least temporarily block out) of the anger, sadness, irritation or deperation that you feel. How? B.I.N.B.Y.!!! What? Who? Where? Why? Read on. By sharing your stories, big or small (to the extent you feel comfortable) laughing about them (someone will undoubtedly either have a worse story than you or be able to see the humour in it) and reminding yourself, "But, I'm Not Bitter...Yet".

Are you sick of work in a life-sucking dead end job? Tell us, your fellow Binbys! Tired of reminding a thankless person in your life to pick up their stuff, take out the trash, mow the lawn, do the dishes, pay attention to you, get romantic, or just not act like a walking, talking pile of crap? Let us hear all about it!

Are random strangers, "friends" and mere aquaintences pestering you about your personal lifestyle choices without mercy? We can help you formulate new snappy comebacks and answers to their rude questioning sessions (you know, the ones posed as "interest" and "concern")

Crazy family members and their insane shenanigans driving you to drink? Why let them have all the fun, we can take a cab together!

Fun-filled activities (for members only) will also be a part of the healing. I say, don't let those __________'s (insert insult of your choice) get you down. Talk about it, laugh about it, have a (insert your favorite drink here), swap the things that we would LIKE to say, or better yet, did say... and let the healing begin! So, I as a Non-Bitter, still hopeful (somehow) person, would like to propose a new idea... the charter meeting of club B.I.N.B.Y. ... which is an acronym for: But I'm Not Bitter...Yet. I propose the following:

-The club shall meet whenever and wherever possible, feasible or affordable. So we've got $10.00 in total? Movie rental and Arbor Mist will have to do. Got more dough? Than OUT OUT OUT we go!! The club shall not be hindered by tradional dues, minutes (what is a minute, anyway?) or any other tradional "club"-type nonsense. We've got to get down to business, there are drinks getting warm as I type!
*Addendum for the internets: The club shall "meet" in cyber-space by y'all grabbing a glass of wine and your laptop, and sharing your latest tales.

-Members shall be over 21, as many of our "conference rooms" require this. Members are not required, but encouraged to be female. *N/a for online members.

-No member shall be required to perform any strange/embarassing or odd initiation rites....unless it strikes the other, older members fancy at the time and everyone has already had a drink or two.

-Membership is by invitation only, and shall NOT be extended to anyone who cannot take a joke/hold her liquor/dance in 3 inch platforms/apply false eyelashes/take and/or make a joke involving a parakeet, a kazoo and an "adult toy". *Old rules state here that new members shall all be agreed upon by prior members, but do not apply on le internet*.

-Emergency "meetings" can be held at any time between any or all of the members over the internet, phone, or via snail mail if need be in time of crisis.

-All club activities shall be only referred to in the vaguest and most general of terms to non members, including spouses/significant others/anyone who doesn't realize that this is a JOKE/Coping Mechanism, not the female version of the Skull & Bones club. This is about you, not them. They are (or should be) on a Need To Know basis with you. And they don't Need to Know.

-Any rule may be broken except the last one. Not this one, the one before it. So.... if you are reading this message, consider yourself newly blessed and in an exclusive group of people who are ready and willing to ..... or at least freshen your drink. Charter meeting to be held asap wherever everyone can agree on/make it to/afford. Forward this message to anyone you feel can uphold The Rules with a (velvet covered) iron fist.

Your Loyal Leader

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