A Very Merry...

UN-Baby Shower, to you, and me!

First of all, this. Good thing she's not going for a bakers' dozen, huh?

Now I know, personal choice, freedom, etc - a wonderful thing. Please don't jump up and down on me because I'm a wee bit taken aback at someone who obliges her three-year old child (who could be her grandchild, or even great-granchild) with a sibling. Isn't that the *parents'* decision? Not to mention the fact that her child will be fortunate if he turns fifteen with the benefit of a mother. Any rate...Not my poopy diapers to change. Speaking of which, (poop! always a great topic, right?) one of my little buddies had FOUR of them within ten minutes today. In light of the stunning magnitude of one of these blow-outs, Short Round's (not his real name, what I call him) mum called me over so we could laugh together. What else can you do when your friend is swabbing frantically at her baby's soft, round, doughy thighs for the FOURTH time in ten minutes? I suppose I could say, "Run screaming to the doctors office to have all baby-related bits tied up tightly" - but it would be far from the truth of my response.

Short Round beamed up at me from the changing mat with his two-and-a-half teeth, as if to say, "Poo happens, I'm still happy, and ... is that chocolate for meeee?" and I replied, "Yes! You DO indeed have the cutest little biscuity butt in all the land? How many chocolates can I get for you?" Now, don't get all crazy on me - He's one of the FEW people in Real Life who cannot make me a martini, but whom I still enjoy the company of. Even on a "bad" day, this little person is far more entertaining and chipper than, umm, lets' say, one of my friends' kids, or me. I don't coo and burble over diaper-clad set in general; I prefer to take them on a case-by-case basis.

That being said, I do give a mean baby shower - and have been known as a great child Spoiler. I just like to have the option to give them back after a while. Bodily fluids and even extended crying don't bother me anymore (lots of practice with aforementioned friends' kids, our neice, etc). What bothers me greatly (and really, this blog is 80% about What is Bothering Me Today, innit?) is the following:

*Why don't we have non-baby showers? (Would that be an un-baby shower?) My friend Lisa (as opposed to my sister-in-law, also a Lisa) has often mentioned that she'd like to have showers for women who've been married for 5/10/15/20 years. You know, an excuse to a) dress up b) decorate/rent a cute venue c) drink martinis/Bellinis/shots d) register for silky new underthings, camping gear or power tools*, whatever floats your boat. *Whatever you'd like to think here will do.

So I've been thinking: What would my Un-Baby Shower be like? Being in the party business, I've got lots and lots of ideas:
-Swanky martini party with extensive wine/cheese/chocolate bar? Better call that one "Heart Attack, Straight-Up, with a side of stillettos" Cute invites in chocolate brown/lavendar, held in the back patio of this resturant:

Epiphany!

Main Registry Items: Lingerie (frivolous only), perfume, bath salts and other foofy stuff.

-Ladies' tea party: Lovely selection of teas, champagnes and rose wines, possibly sangria (Notice that I catergorize my parties by the alcohol served there? Hmmm) Crumpets, scones, petit fours, chocolates and cheeses. All guests required to wear mad hats or other lady-like accoutrements that we don't do anymore...with jeans. Toille tablecloths in black and white or red/cream, to match the invites, natch.
Held in the garden here:

Cheshire Cat Inn - A few blocks from our house

Main registry items: Absurd kitchenwares* such as those teeny-weeny individual French Ovens from Le Creuset. In Lime green or lipstick red, please. Especially absurd in light of the fact I can't tell a cassoulet from a castrati.
*from here:

Sur la Table

-Home improvement party: Yummy evening barbeque, homemade strawberry, mango and melon margaritas, grilled veggies, tofu, chicken, tri-tip and sausage bites for the carnivorous. Invites sent on planks of balsa wood, guests come as their favorite TV wife (Desperate or otherwise) or husband - this one is co-ed. Assorted patio furniture, tables covered in bamboo matting (to be used in yard later) Location: My back patio so I've got an excuse to use my bar. Look! My bar! Its so cute!
Main registry items: Anything from Home Depot or such-like store.

Of course, you can't throw yourself a shower, that would be in extremely poor taste. I'm just sayin' we Have-Nots have to celebrate each other, right?