UN-Baby Shower, to you, and me!
Short Round beamed up at me from the changing mat with his two-and-a-half teeth, as if to say, "Poo happens, I'm still happy, and ... is that chocolate for meeee?" and I replied, "Yes! You DO indeed have the cutest little biscuity butt in all the land? How many chocolates can I get for you?" Now, don't get all crazy on me - He's one of the FEW people in Real Life who cannot make me a martini, but whom I still enjoy the company of. Even on a "bad" day, this little person is far more entertaining and chipper than, umm, lets' say, one of my friends' kids, or me. I don't coo and burble over diaper-clad set in general; I prefer to take them on a case-by-case basis.
That being said, I do give a mean baby shower - and have been known as a great child Spoiler. I just like to have the option to give them back after a while. Bodily fluids and even extended crying don't bother me anymore (lots of practice with aforementioned friends' kids, our neice, etc). What bothers me greatly (and really, this blog is 80% about What is Bothering Me Today, innit?) is the following:
*Why don't we have non-baby showers? (Would that be an un-baby shower?) My friend Lisa (as opposed to my sister-in-law, also a Lisa) has often mentioned that she'd like to have showers for women who've been married for 5/10/15/20 years. You know, an excuse to a) dress up b) decorate/rent a cute venue c) drink martinis/Bellinis/shots d) register for silky new underthings, camping gear or power tools*, whatever floats your boat. *Whatever you'd like to think here will do.
So I've been thinking: What would my Un-Baby Shower be like? Being in the party business, I've got lots and lots of ideas:
-Swanky martini party with extensive wine/cheese/chocolate bar? Better call that one "Heart Attack, Straight-Up, with a side of stillettos" Cute invites in chocolate brown/lavendar, held in the back patio of this resturant:
Main Registry Items: Lingerie (frivolous only), perfume, bath salts and other foofy stuff.
-Ladies' tea party: Lovely selection of teas, champagnes and rose wines, possibly sangria (Notice that I catergorize my parties by the alcohol served there? Hmmm) Crumpets, scones, petit fours, chocolates and cheeses. All guests required to wear mad hats or other lady-like accoutrements that we don't do anymore...with jeans. Toille tablecloths in black and white or red/cream, to match the invites, natch.
Held in the garden here:
Main registry items: Absurd kitchenwares* such as those teeny-weeny individual French Ovens from Le Creuset. In Lime green or lipstick red, please. Especially absurd in light of the fact I can't tell a cassoulet from a castrati.
-Home improvement party: Yummy evening barbeque, homemade strawberry, mango and melon margaritas, grilled veggies, tofu, chicken, tri-tip and sausage bites for the carnivorous. Invites sent on planks of balsa wood, guests come as their favorite TV wife (Desperate or otherwise) or husband - this one is co-ed. Assorted patio furniture, tables covered in bamboo matting (to be used in yard later) Location: My back patio so I've got an excuse to use my bar. Look! My bar! Its so cute!
Main registry items: Anything from Home Depot or such-like store.
Of course, you can't throw yourself a shower, that would be in extremely poor taste. I'm just sayin' we Have-Nots have to celebrate each other, right?