Julying around

I don't know if its the weather (hot with continued warmth, also sticky), the weariness (intense lack of sleep) or my newly brightened hair...but I'm feeling the sensation of brain cells mellllllting and shrinnnnnnking, a la The Wicked Witch of the West after Dorothy douses her with water. I tried to bring you a retrospective of Julys gone past...but even that has failed so far. You can see my partially aborted previous post below the following excercise in Silly.

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So.....In Lieu of an Actual Post; I Bring You My Sister and I, and the completely inane Instant Message conversation. Lord love the instant messenger. Please feel free to comment your answers to the "What-If Game".

Erin: Do you remember that little white blouse you gave me/I "stole" ... it is kinda short (lengthwise) and its got cute cap sleeves and a deep square scoop neck with delicate lace around the neck and little bow. I am actually wearing it right now
Maya says: hmm, no - what color?
Erin says: Its really cute on my shape torso/shoulders- White
Maya says: do not recall...hmm but the deep square is good
Erin says: I remember you let me wear it one time when Jodi was in town.... how weird
Maya says: wow that was a lonnng time ago
Erin says: I was probably 13 or 14
Maya says: I don't remember it, take a picture w/ your phone
Erin says: Yeah. And it still looks new
Maya says: wow - considering I probably got it from someone else
Erin says: here comes- To your cell
Maya says: I've been trying to take self portraits- they are so dorky
Erin says: I know... never works for me, I get a weird, twisted look on my mouth
(Picture arrives) Maya says: I do remember that - nice boobs - and i think i did get it from someone else
Erin says:Maybe THATS why I like this shirt (boobs) - I am wearing a totally UNpadded bra today!! HAHAHA
Maya says:Just don't stand in a draft
Erin says: Nope, no chance of that... its like 75 degrees right now
Maya says: I rarely leave the house w/out armour....omg i'm trying so hard not to lol right now, I keep taking THE WORST pics
Erin says: hehehe... send me a REALLY bad one - I can totally picture you taking pics and then seeing how bad they turn out, and trying to laugh quietly!!!
Maya says: this is how I get $100 phone bills. Darn picture messages. We're going to have to make an absurd list soon - you know, a list of the most ________ things you've ever ________or ...worst names for a kid or...most irritating customer

Maya says:ok....would you rather smell like metal when you sweat, or fart in color?
Erin says:Smell like metal
Erin says:you?
Maya says:no no now you have to ask ME one
Erin says:(sigh) Okaaayyyyyyyyyyyy- Would you rather... eat a booger or earwax?
Maya says:ewwwwwww
Erin says:LOL- Well???
Maya says:booger (dry)
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Erin says:Okay... would you rather eat tofu or peanuts for the rest of your life?
Maya says:Tofu- more ways to prepare it
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Erin says:
Would you rather eat pizza with pubes on it (ala Stiffler) or a smoothie of worms and cockroaches?
Maya says: I'd do the pizza, hands down- at least there's sauce and cheese
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Maya says: ok would you rather have moles in a swastika pattern on your upper back/shoulder or a burn that looked like a mans' bits on your forearm?
Erin says:LOL... the moles. You can get those removed (like I did to my Mouse Poop Mole on the middle of my tummy. Remember that?
Maya says:
you got that removed?
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Erin says:
Would you rather fight in a world war overseas or be stranded on a small island by yourself for the rest of your life?
Maya says:Small island...I'm a pacifist, plus a boat could come with a handsome native boy that I could train up to be my servant
Erin says:HAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!
Maya says: also there are animals
Erin says:yep, this is true. Okay, that was too easy
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Maya says:
How about would you rather work at your job for the rest of your life, or never have more than $200.00 in savings?
Erin says:Gawd- whats the difference???? Seriously... I guess the $200 in savings- Cause you never know- I could be traveling all over the world and just getting dollars here and there, but having a FANTASTIC life. This job... not quite so fantastic
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Erin says:
Would you rather be put in a maxium security prison for 5 years or kill a baby monkey? (why am I so horrible?)
Maya says: baby monkey
Erin says: awwwwwwwww
Maya says: plus I could just SING to it and kill it- it would just fall over dead
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Maya says: Ok would you rather strip naked and perform a duet with Cher in public or have extreme halitosis and excema in private?
Erin says: LOL!!!!!!!!!! hmmmm. Naked With Cher- It'd be over quick
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Erin says: Would you rather lick a butthole or a earwax filled ear canal? hahahah
Maya says: this is me gagging and throwing up in my mouth
Erin says: HAHAHHAHAHHAA
Maya says: seriously - cat heave back arching going on right now.....ear?
Erin says: LMAO
Maya says: less e. coli in the ear
Erin: Really trying not to laugh outloud right now
Maya says:Me too - unsucessfully
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Maya says: Would you rather have a parasitic twin in your butt, or a colostomy bag?
Erin says: I don't know what the bag is
Maya says: Its a poo bag, used for those without a lower intestine - aka no rectal control
Erin says: EWWWW- the twin.... I could get it removed. At least I could poop normally. Ok,
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Would you rather make out with George Bush or George Clinton?
Maya says:george clinton from the band?
Erin says:yeh -The black guy with crazy hair and clothes
Maya says: Clinton, definitely. At least he's able to pronounce the words "nuclear" and "ignorant" correctly. It'd be like kissing Chef from South Park, but without the Scientology.

Partially-aborted previous post:

-July c. 1984: Wandering around the house in a daze, wondering when that squalling little thing was going to ... go... away. At only a few weeks of age, my sister, the Crazy Cat Lady was a sweet baby, not the howler monkey I'm told I was - but my four year old mind wasn't quite prepared to surrender the throne of my parents' complete affections.

-July c. 1986: Erin toddling after me, round-eyed in wonder at yet another new baby. We stared at her on the bed and curled her tiny, square-ended fingers around ours. I thought she looked like a precious little baby chimpanzee in a onesie and a diaper.

-July c. 1988: My family was on our annual pilgrimage to my grandparents' house in Oregon. I remember being seated in the dark wood octagonal dining room, enjoying my cereal. I leaned forward towards the table and recoiled in pain as my suddenly-budded chest hit the edge of the table.

-July, circa 1993: Aged thirteen. Hot and pissy, stuck in Oregon with family and best friends due to broken-down van. Contemplate watching grass grow, decide to paddle down the Rogue River with thirty people instead. Repeatedly doused with freezing cold river water, dumped over the side and forced to fetch cold beers for the adults.

-July c. 2000: Celebrated first month of marriage by spending first weekend (of many) in Monterey, Carmel and Pacific Grove with Scott. Highlights included a three hour lunch and a beautiful little ruby ring that I wear most days.

July c. 2004: Recovering from doing parents' surprise twenty-fifth anniversary party (it was perfect. Scott and I went on great (short) trip to New York City, followed by two weeks spent mostly in a bus, touring Denmark and Finland with a large percentage of elderly/overweight ladies. The food, art and scenery were lovely, but it was less than the cultural experience we'd hoped for. Travel Lesson # 42: Never, ever take a bus tour if you're interested in soaking up local culture.