Sunday, July 23, 2006

Oh, honey

Oh, that's riiiiiight! I started this thing because I had in mind a series of clever little vignettes, set in the backdrop of Santa Barbara, lightly spiced with snark! Well, to be honest, this blog was half-meant to try and draw my family slowly and gently into the world of the twenty-first century - I thought if they had a little note from me on the internet every day or so, they might hurry up and join in on the fun of email and remote communication. Really, what fun is there in life until you can share the joy of clearing your inbox of ten "SpeCiaL on herbal MallleEnhanCEMENT" and "I've cracked the code...93 million dollars in just ninety-eight hours" with your parents?
Clearly this woman needs to get emails from single Russian women and Constipation D. Hooligan. Clearly. To be honest, here is where Mama and Papa Meepers are at right now:
They called me today to see what cell network I'm on, as they are considering purchasing one of those new-fangled contraptions, a cellular phone. I hear they've also considered installing a real-live, runnin'-water. flushin' toilet. Last week, my mom asked me if I 'had any more of those ... entries...somewhere...out...there?"

"Do you mean...on the internet, mom? Online? Yes, they stay up, in perpetutua, until Blogger crashes and burns, or I delete this blog in an attempt to escape from a crazy online stalker."

"You have stalkers? Honey, isn't that dangerous?"

"No mother, I do not have stalkers, I barely have readers. Yes, my stuff is still up there, in a pretty new format for your reading pleasure....if you would only get thee to the libraray, or get a computer who doesn't remember the BC/AD changeover. Next you're going to want me to print out my entries and mail them to you. "

"Could you? Could you do that? That would be greaaaaat! Your dad is still laughing over the wooden keyboard thing- so if you could just print those out and mail them to us....maybe I'll get time someday to sit down and read some of them - right after I get done re-shingling the house." This coming from a woman who has one album of (my) baby pictures and has moved four large boxes of loose, mostly bad, snapshots, at least six times by my count. You can eat off her floor, but will my sisters and I ever sift tenderly through our shared family chronology without wondering aloud who exactly is that...and what is perched on their head, and why are ninety percent of the pictures taken when someone is eating, talking, or making a terrible face?
Not without back strain, says I.

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Speaking of strains: An update on my current (lack of) health: Continuing bad to worse, strep seems to have come full loop back to beginning, no sleep for more than an hour or two at a time in over a week, so I'm exhausted and have the crack-jitters all at once. Thank goodness for modern miracles like fans and cold showers to help with the fevers I can't shake. Scott mentioned that he'd be getting me a spitoon this morning, but I've yet to see it. Diet in the last few days: Liquid (water, hot water, sprite, water, chicken broth) with a few bites of tofu ice cream (blech!). Prognosis: Bleak. Please send Mexican painkillers or medically induced coma soon. In lieu of lots of flowers, dessert and drinks, no tears at funeral - fun stories about crazy times we've had together only. Go ahead and start now - how did we meet? What did you think? What happened?

7 comments:

Janet said...

Haha! My mom prints out my entries. I always see them around her house. Weird.

I hope you are starting to feel better soon! You can't spend the wole summer sick in bed!

LindsayJustine said...

Hey hey hey

I don’t think I have ever seen a pic of your mom, you have her smile…

You need to recover from the sickness already…damnit.

You left your ity-bity bottle of polish at the office…I will keep it for you to rescue at the Purple Palace…

How is the second season of SP coming along?

Meepers said...

Sickness had me up all night, went to the doctor at 8, now they say its NOT strep, they don't know what it is, but my throat is so bad I have codeine for the pain and sleeping pills, plus a new antibiotic. Enjoyed SP the 2nd very much, may make scott go down and drop this one off to you.

LindsayJustine said...

whaaaaaaa? not strep? well WTF then?

:(

stop being sick, ok?

just gimme a call before hand and i will have SP season three ready and waiting!!!

the sightspeed guy said...

still sick?

cqafhp

desiree said...

Not strep. Crap. I hate to have to tell you this but I googled it and you totally have the plague. The whole hydrophobic foaming at the mouth certain death thing. Sorry I had to be the one to break the bad news. I guess it is angry will time...

Lynn said...

I am sorry you aren't feeling well. You made me laugh, though. I thought "somewhere...out...there" was too, too funny.