Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Wrong Side of the Bed

Ways and Places that are Generally Bad to Wake Up:

  • In the midst of a natural disaster (typhoon, flood, stampede of rabid wildabeest)*
  • With a bat, rodent or other undesirable animal tangled in your hair
  • On the wrong bus/in the wrong country
  • Far too early or late* (many times)
  • With a sudden fright due to the loud ringing of your phone in your ear at an ungodly hour, because you assume that any time it rings that early, someone is maimed/dead.*
  • To the dulcet tones of a backhoe in dire need of oil, just outside your window*(this a.m.)
  • The roof.
  • With a fresh whiff of cat dingleberries near your face, whereopon you leap out of bed, strip the sheets off, only to discover said dingleberries stuck to felines' behind as it ran through the house.*
  • To the sickening realization that you chose.....poorly.
  • Smelling smoke and ash from the inferno that burns nearby your house.*
  • Brass band seranade
  • With a tree in your driveway.*
  • Eye-to-eye with the beast that tormented your childhood dreams.
  • In a sinking ship.
  • North Dakota, wintertime.
  • In a parallel universe.
  • Next to Tom Cruise without your special "vitamins".
  • With a hot-coffee wet willy*
  • With a head full of lists.*
Those marked with an asterisk = Have happened to me.


Chiada said...

Hahaha!! Good one, Meeps. The cat though...gross.

How about waking up to indigestion-stomach-acid-in-mouth? That happens to me on occasion. Horrible.

Or waking up from a bad dream in which A) your mother has just grabbed your newborn child out of your arms and is taking it away from you. Forever. or B) Your Dad took your doggie (cat) into a forest and shot it dead and didn't bury it.

QUASAR9 said...

I won't ask about the hot coffee and ...
pen--ultimate or one before last

Meepers said...

Q- (Welcome, by the way): Hot coffee wet willy: When your dad/friends' dad takes a finger, dips it into their hot coffee, and gives your ear a good swirl. Mmmmmm No wonder I hate coffee/flavored anything.

I love the word pen-ultimate. So satisfying.

Meepers said...

PS. Chiada. Quite horrid. Have had similar. Wots wrong w. us? No indigestion yet, am waiting for b-day 27 for that particular treat.