Tuesday, October 24, 2006

No Do*

Disadvantages to Working from Home, In Ascending Order:

-Cats not known for their ability to bounce ideas around with you. Unless by 'ideas', you mean treats or corks.
-The Ability to wear ones' morning clothes all day long is not the Right to do so.
-Limited human contact may result in over-excitement on mail carriers' arrival, lack of 'blink breaks', watching E! True Hollywood Story.
-Potential for distractions are almost endless. See: Laundry 101, Project Closet Makeover, Bathroom Remodel, cats, and looong lunches.
-Construction workers hauling huge chunks of new sewer lining directly outside your 'home office' and running what sounds like a lawn mower on steroids twelve hours per diem may make you a rather crabby.

Advantages to Working at Home, In Ascending Order:
-Thirty second commute.
-Flexible hours, no harsh lighting.
-Complete disregard for cat hair on clothing totally acceptable.
-Limited human contact means almost no chance of three to five people per diem will ask The Question.
-Absolutely no chance that your frustration at this behavior will cause you to have the following conversation between myself and a Clueless Individual (who should really know better than to ask about these things):

Me: "Hi, Clueless! Good to see you!
CI: "Hiii! So are you back working at the office?"
Me: "No, I'm just subbing in for a little bit - it's easier for (Old Boss) than hiring a temp."
CI: "Oh, really? You should just come back full time."
Me: "Oh no, I left to start my own business - I really don't have the time. How's ____?" (identifying trivia removed here)
CI: "You mean you didn't leave work to have a couple of kids?"
Me: (Appalled by the notion here that women leave work for two basic reasons: Maternity or Sexual Harassment) "Nope. Left to do weddings, I love it. I've been really busy - the work is wonderful."
CI: "But you are going to, right?"
Me: (Aware this may be a tender subject, trying to be tactful) "It really isn't likely, no."
CI: "Noooo...you haaave to - I always thought you'd be such a good mom." This based on our annual office parties? My consumption of potent fresh margaritas and bean dip? My work attendance? Or possibly my large, square hips? I'm not sure.
Me: (brisk tone, warning smile) "Nope. Really, I don't have the room, time, money, patience to do it the way I'd want to. Plus I'm really enjoying my job."
CI: (Pushing luck) "Reeeallly? Are you sure?" (Said in a tone that indicates I may not have the mental capability to make a reasonable decision for myself.)
Me: (Smile now etched on, tone of voice sugar laced with vitriol): "Yep. Pretty sure. But I'm taking up a collection in case I change my mind....you're welcome to donate."
Exit, Stage Left.

Too rude, you think? Come on, be honest with me. What should I say/have said?

*No Do: This phrase is sometimes used in our house in lieu of "don't"; refers to a phrase made famous by a little girl my sister used to babysit. The kid was a holy terror, wrapped in a pixies-like appearance. She used to dig her tiny, razor-sharp nails into my sisters' forearm, furrow her tiny brow, and say in a miniature-threatening voice, "DOING?" - as in, "What the hell are you DOING, you insolent fool?


Janet said...

I am not getting married for 2.5 more weeks, and today, my father asked me when I was having babies. My feminist, liberal, very chill father.

Am I in for a long few years here? Help!

Meepers said...

YES. Six and a half years later... no end in sight. It doesn't help that I'm not even 27 yet. I could have another 10, 15 years or more of this crap. Not good.