Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Self-Humiliation 101; Or OMG! GUESS WHO I MET!

How to Embarass Yourself in Public:

  • Walk to and from post office for work, fresh air, chance to wear tank top in January, making Important phone calls en route and thereby distracting self from normal things like walking and listening to iPod.
  • Forget to visit store dut to stupid Important phone calls, double back in mid-block.
  • Stop to pet a really cute dog. Pet the dog and coo over her for a minute before looking up at her owner, as is your (bad) habit, because you are a hopeless fool for dogs and the cats won't let you have one.
  • Realize the dog is not only adorable in that smiley, snorfling way that all bulldogs have, but that she looks....very, very familiar.
  • Squeal, "HeeeEEEY! I know you! You're COOKIE!", instead of introducing yourself to the dog's owner like a normal person would.
  • Attempt (and utterly fail) to have a proper conversation, due to your inner monologue squealing like a twelve year old at a Justin Timberlake concert. (Inner monologue: "Sweet cracker sandwich! It's Mrs. Kennedy from Fussy and I'm wearing these weird pants and a sweater that looks like it died and went to Knotts' Berry Farm, via hell")
  • Think to yourself what lovely skin she has, resolve to bathe in sunblock from now on.
  • Babble on about what a fan you are of her site, totally hold her up in her quest for vitamins and Important Fussy Duties.
  • Realize that you have now done exactly what you commented about to her in the past: Patted and cooed over her dog and than ran on at the mouth.
  • Thank heavens for her lovely personality, damn self for sucky "how we met" anecdote. Decide never to leave the house again, or at least never to pet another dog, because next time, it could be Chuck.
  • Complete Cycle of Dork by calling friend and blogging about the whole incident.

12 comments:

LindsayJustine said...

haha! yer a RETARD!

Nothing But Bonfires said...

Ah, but the important question is: why weren't you wearing your "Writing Well Is The Best Revenge" t-shirt?!

Anonymous said...

lol you nut!.


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Maya said...

Believe me, Holly, I was wondering that, too. There was also some talk of cake, I believe.

Hey Mike, I just went and looked up our 7th grade yearbook. Have you seen that thing lately? It is FRIGHTENING and hysterical at the same time, in a very 'oh god why did I wear that? what was I thinking? Oh, look, everyone else had taken leave of their senses, too' type way.

Seriously, I stood in my garage and laughed out loud for at least five minutes. You should try it sometime and get back to me - I probably wrote something inane in your yearbook, and I'm sorry for that.

chiefbiscuit said...

I think she should be honoured that YOU stopped to pat her dog ;) I would be - if I had a dog. Anyway ... I'd be the one squealing if it was you I bumped into. And I bet you look good no matter what you're wearing. So there.

HollowSquirrel said...

I knew who you meant by Fussy, but I wouldn't know her or her dog...but I guess it would be like meeting Dooce/Chuck (as you said) or Amalah and Ciaba. lol. I would have squealed, too.

Was she nice?

girlanddog said...

We all get star-struck sometimes...I met the editor of epicurious.com and I almost passed out from the excitement of it all... *sigh*

desiree said...

Did you get an autogragph? That would have been the icing on the dork cake.

Ciarra said...

Being the friend you called, sorry I didn't call you back to share your squealing excitement. I was just getting back from my lunch break and had to get back to work. Totally cool, though. I'd really like to meet Holly and Chookooloonks Karen some day. :D

Formerly Mrs. Kennedy said...

That was pretty funny, to have MY DOG recognized. Nice to meet you, too!

I met Karen from Chookooloonks once and made some idiotic joke about the Bahamas, where she doesn't live. But I was like, "You're from that part of the world! Those island places! So You'll think this is funny!" Blank stare. What goes around comes around.

Maya said...

Nice to meet you, too - and a comment! - as you can see, it was the highlight of my week.

Karen from Chookooloonks is the *other* person I'd probably (definitely, as you now know) be struck down by the stupids in front of.

Let there be cake. Lots and lots of cake.

desiree said...

Okay Miss Compelled to mess with your template, how the hell did you get a photo in your header? Blogger is a bitch.