Monday, December 19, 2005

Dirty Pretty Things

I have to admit something that is just a tad bit embarassing: I am totally and completely in love with shoes. This is a long-standing affair, its really been going on for years and years. In the last couple of days, events Beyond My Control have conspired to almost break the Shoe Addict in me, causing me to melt slowly into small bits of slobbering, drooling incoherence.

Oddly enough, the problem started sometime on Saturday with another of my True Loves - Flowers. I dragged S to the Farmers' Market and busied myself filling the back of our car with all kinds of flowers - There were roses in lavendar, a great medium pink, a more raspberry pink, a killer yellow - Bells of ireland, Foxgloves in their great mauve/cream/lavendar/purple/plum with their spotted throats, yellow African lilies, white Casablanca lilies, orchids in yellow and pink and white....myrtle, horsetail, piles of poofy, cloud-like hydrangeas in bluey-purple/bit of green, two kinds of eucalyptus- you name it - I bought it!

That is not all I ended up making - unfortunately a family member of one of our friends passed away and they needed flowers for the funeral. Since I've spent many an hour doing flowers, (mostly for weddings) it was something I could do to lend a hand in the hardest time for this family. Saturday morning and early afternoon, Jen and I whiled away the day cleaning, stripping and arranging the mass of blooms into two nice, large and above all, NOT depressing/funeral-type (read: borrrring)
arrangements. By four, we'd finished not only those but five or six smaller vase arrangements (one for her, a couple for me, three for the funeral, one for a neighbor of mine) Clearly, it was time for some Real Fun, and we'd been out in the cold most of the day. We decided to warm up with a friend of mine, Jack (Daniels, that is. Hee!) Lest anyone who reads this think that I'm a total lush, may I say that a) Normally I'm a wine/champagne girl with the occasional switch-up to vodka, but in the cooler weather, a wee dram o' whiskey is good for the soul b) it was Seven pm... in New York.

Cut to a few hours later ... Jen and I are either going to sleep in front of the TV (clearly NOT an option on a Saturday night) or we'd better do something that involves actually leaving the house, which was key at any rate - unfortunately she's radically allergic to Fynn and even though she was chasing her J & C with allergy syrup, her poor lungs were about to shut down shop.
We settled on dinner for four with another buddy of ours, Bob. For any out-of-towners: May I reccomend The Palace to you if you ever visit us here in Santa Barbara - YUMMY!

  • The Palace, AKA my dietary demise, Part 214

  • Than came the Shopping for the Shoes - which I will totally blame Jen for, because she was the nut who wanted booooots! at Maaacy's. It started out innocently enough, with Jen looking at these: - Ok, no problem, I can resist those (heel wasn't high enough) Than she saw these, and decided she liked them way better (have to agree, despite the fact I'm not a cowboy boot fan - the bronze ones under jeans are aDORable!)

    I made the mistake of straying from the sale racks to try and help her decide which of the above she should actually buy (bronze cowgirl boots) --- and saw these (cue up "Fever" by Peggy Lee)

    And also these - Look at the darling buckle! If you'll believe it, they are by Carlos Santana - I'm sure he didn't actually cobble them himself or anything, but... ay! carumba! Rrroowrrrr! NOTE: Anyone who might be offended by ever-so-slightly off-colour humour should stop reading NOW. No, really, NOW. Note to Karen at
  • The Naked Ovary
  • : These are the ones that I thought "Ohh, Karen would probably LOVE these." You like?
    So at this point in the evening, we've had a few drinks, than a lovely dinner that included the entire resturant singing "That's Amore" by Dean-o, and we are all slightly over-fed and a bit slap-happy. Innuendos are fairly PING!ing off the shoe racks.
    I gently picked these little beauties up, cradling them gently in my hands, and commented, "LOOK AT THESE! You could do SURGERY with that either the heel or the toe... so sharp, so pretty!" Again, this is where you should totally stop reading.
    Naturally, this couldn't go undetected by the boys - Bob piped in with "Yyyyyeahhh... or you could inflict some serious damage to someone's bum...either one, really - Look at those things!" (I'm editing here, but.. you get my drift, right?)

    Me: "Dude, you are totally defiling my (all shoes are MY shoes, apparently) new shoes - look, they're HOT! They want to come home with ME, not hear you make bad jokes about their adorable pointiness... plus, look at the buckle - what would you do about THAT, Mr. Smarty-Pants?"

    Jen: "Whaaaat?"
    S: "So did you say you were going to go to a movie with (our other friends) tonight?"
    Bob" "yeah, but dinner at
  • the Palace
  • with you guys sounded really good." (He happened to be wearing nice jeans, a preppy-cowboy kind of shirt and cool boots, and had just bought two ties, one with blue flowers, the other in a neat salmon/orange 60's pattern... just so you've got the set-up here)
    S: "Were you planning on seeing
  • Brokeback Mountain ?
  • (Totally not supressing his evil cackle AT ALL, because when he finds something humourous, tact and political correctness pretty much go out the window.) My apologies to... everyone. And that folks, is how you get from pretty flowers
    to offensive humour, in three easy steps. The madness didn't stop there, either - it continued on Sunday night when we re-grouped at the condos where both Jen and Bob live. But that, as they say, is another story.


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    the sightspeed guy said...

    Sorry, but none of those shoes were doing it for me. Especially the scrunch boot, I mean, come on. Hideous. And I'm not against pointy shoes, as they come in quite handy doubling as can openers, but none of the pictured ones grabbed me. These shoes, tho, induce involuntary drooling.

    Meepers said...

    Actually the first two were NOT my choice, they were my friends' - but the heels... I heart heels. High and possibly painful = I'll probably like them. Skinny heels preferable.

    Meepers said...

    Actually the first two were NOT my choice, they were my friends' - but the heels... I heart heels. High and possibly painful = I'll probably like them. Skinny heels preferable.

    Chiada said...

    OMG i absolutely LOVE those shoes that the sightspeed guy recommended! The color, shape, heel, strap, and flower are just perfection. Sheesh, I need a shoe makeover - more cute stuff, less practical, comfy stuff.

    Meepers said...

    Funny - I love the COLOR of those, but a) no thick heels b) mary-jane straps make my stubs look shorter than they are, which is a Bad thing. The flower - v.v. cute. Whatcha gonna do?

    the sightspeed guy said...

    Yeah, I love shoes too. The $200-400 price tag usually keeps me at bay, tho. Usually.