Thursday, February 09, 2006

Oxygen is your friend

One of my main concerns on the way out to Colorado was that we would spend a number of our precious vacation days trying, and failing, to adjust to the altitude. Along these lines, I reminded my family (repeatedly) that if they had any ideas about getting me to say, ski or snowboard, they'd need to provide an oxygen tank and a Sherpa just to get me up the mountain. Just before we touched down to minus-five degrees, S. started doing the Silent Shake. No, he does not suffer from seizures, he was laughing at himself, which is always a good sign to me since I do the same thing, usually at totally inapropriate times, like when we're both about to fall asleep or there is a funeral service going on. Don't ask why. While he was wiping his eyes, I asked, "What is so funny now?"

"I was just thinking of that scene in Cool Runnings (pardon my reference, but you KNOW you watched that movie!) where they come to the airport..." He didn't get any further than that, because I was doing my version of the silent shake, with less silence and more eye-wiping.

"Aaaaahhhaaaa! Oh yeeaaah! And they put on ALL the clothes they have AND wear their bags on their heads! Haaaaa"

It was MINUS FIVE DEGREES when we touched down. May I repeat, MINUS FIVE DEGREES FARENHEIT. That is about...let's see... carry the three... forty degrees COLDER than I ever want to be in. Ever.

We were greeted by the Entire Family, minus the pets, and headed straight for dinner at one of the few inexpensive places to eat in Aspen, Little Annie's. Since my family are the Best, they brought the following to the airport for me:

-large, waterproof boots, a good thing since I was wearing leather boots with three inch heels (chunky, they were CHUNKY heels, folks. With grip. I'm not totally dumb!)
-A cream suede jacket that came down to mid-calf, lined with faux-fur that was both warm and cute, even though I looked like an albino Yeti in it, very cute. It had the added bonus of making me feel like Pinocchio - my arms, legs and body felt as though someone else was controlling their movements. Very chic.
-Various accoutrements such as scarves, socks, hats, earmuffs, long johns, mittens, etc.

Apparently they thought I was going to show up at the airport in the middle of January wearing ..... a Lil' Kim outfit? Maybe just pants and a pastie? Or maybe... they just know me well enough to know that I would be Frickin' Freezin', Mr. Bigelsworth. Amazingly we were able to take an after-dinner stroll along Aspens' brick-cobbled, tree-lined walking streets, and admired the ice sculptures and the line-up of Gucci, Prada, Ralph Lauren, etc ad nauseum that comprises the downtown area of Aspen. S describes it as, "Rodeo Drive in the snow", and I tend to agree.

Along the way, I re-re-reiterated that I was in No Way going to be doing any traversing, telemarking or other such activities. S piped up and said that he wanted to go Skiing, please. The devilish glint in my fathers' eye went from "Plotting Son-in-Law's Demise" to "Now I can Make it Look like an accident' and he exclaimed, "Oh YEAH, dude! How's Tuesday? Or Wednesday? I'll take a day off work, and we'll go - it'll be FUN!"

"Uhhh... Yeah! sure, sounds great," S replied. Later on, I reminded him that possibly the lack of oxygen had gone to his head, and that the reason he'd agreed to go skiing with MY FATHER a mere two days after we'd arrived. Now, to outsiders this exchange might seem a bit funny after over five years of marriage - but remember that a scant three months after we were married, my family (still recovering from the shock of my June wedding to the guy I started dating in March) moved to Colorado. They really never had the chance to see how we all get on. My father takes deep, deep delight in pushing anyone, including his own family, to their physical/comfort/crazy limits - much like a five year old with ants and a magnifying glass. Mostly, it is innocent fun and no one gets hurt. Mostly.

Fast-forward two days to the following scene: S soaking for an hour in a hot tub, than walking with all the grace and dignity of an arthritic giraffe to the bed, where he collapses and waits for me to rub his aching legs. My father had taken him up, up, up a bunch of lifts, where he developed debilitating leg cramps thanks to a bad pair of ski boots and twelve THOUSAND FEET of thin air.

Oxygen is your friend. That's all I'm saying


Chiada said...

The "Silent Shake"... I love it!! Totally can picture the Hampton doing that LOLOL. Hey, I've seen Cool Runnings more than once. Not in about 8 years, mind you, but yah, great scene to think of at the perfect moment. Hey, at least you weren't getting off the plane with your carry-on surfboard like the guy in the movie Airborn. What a geek. He goes to Philadelphia or Pittsburg or something to stay with his relatives, and takes his board with him. Now, no more whining about cold weather, boots, & scarves! Just be happy that you got to see your family & go on a "vacation", something I won't be doing in quite.a.while. Boo-hoo ME! :P

Meepers said...

I know... I totally canNOT complain about going on "vacation". But really, if I can't wish that we'd gone on HOLIDAY (another thing altogether, unless you have parents that live in...say Europe..) or were going on holiday, here... where can I? LOL I heart Sanka Coffee