Monday, July 31, 2006

This Story with Full Permission of My Husband (unlike the last one)

So - unlike my post about The Ten Commandments of Wifedom... this story gets full endorsement from my husband. He told me about it the other night - I immediately thought, "Oh, I would loooove to blog that - but there is no way that would fly." Which goes to show two things: You should completely disregard my version of The Rules, and also my life with Scott will never be boring.

The other day, he was calling a company about a knife - a thing he does with some regularity as part of his business. The company had him sitting on hold, and instead of hearing musak, they were running an ad about erectile dysfunction.

So he sat there, holding, listening, thinking to himself, "Hmmm...that's a little weird, but I guess since ninety percent of the people who call here are guys, they might make a little money doing some advertising on their hold...I suppose this is as close to the target demographic as they figure they're going to get. Whatever."

A man picked up, and he was totally pleasant and nice, really laying on the customer service bit thick. "Hey man! How're ya doing? First time calling here? What's your name, man?"

S: "Ummm...sure, dude - name's Scott."

Customer Service Dude (CSD): "Ok, Scott, can we get a last name?"

S: "Sure man, its H_______." (Thinking they were creating a file on him for future orders)

CSD: "Greeeaaaat... Ok, so Scott, can I get an address for ya?"

S: "Ok ... its _______________"

CSD: "Ya-- great... so.. can we get a zip code?"

S: "Sure man -"

CSD: "Ok, so I'm showing you're in Santa Barbara - and, how old are ya, Scott?"

S: "Thirty-eight..." (Since you have to be eighteen to buy a knife, he's figuring that they have to ask for insurance reasons.)

CSD: "So... are ya slowin' down a little bit, man?"

S: "Well...sure - not what it used to be, you know.."

CSD: "So... you're having a little problem in the bedroom?"

S: "What? Who did I just call?"

CSD: "This is the national center for Erectile Dysfunction. Who did you think you were calling?"

S: "I was calling about a pocket knife."

CSD: "None of those here, man. None of those here."

So we know now that when the literature with Bob Dole on the front comes to the house, there's a reason. Thank goodness we got that cleared up.


LindsayJustine said...

HAHAHAHA DUUURRRR SCOTT! that is just way too funny...although you already knew that cause i was reading this and laughing while you're in the next room listening to me laughing. good times.

the sightspeed guy said...

now that was funny.


Fizzle said...

Hilarious...and he said he was calling about getting his knife cleaned...makes you wonder if Scott was speaking in euphemisms ;-)

Yes, met Karen at BlogHer. She's stunning. S.t.u.n.n.i.n.g. Next year for sure, you'll have to go. Rumors are that it's going to be in Chicago?

Meepers said...

Actually, he was calling to BUY a knife... but getting it cleaned would have been so. much. more. funny. Chicago next year? WHY DIDN'T I GO THIS YEAR? Oh well, I hear its really cool there, maybe I'll talk him into it.

I always knew Karen was really that hott in real life... sigh...So.. dish - who else did you meet? I have to ask: DID YOU MEET HEATHER? OR Mir? or...??

the sightspeed guy said...

"I'd like to buy a knife."
"The one you've got isn't so sharp anymore sir? Yes, we understand."
"Yeah, well, you know. Happens with time."
"Yes, we know."
"So you have a big Crocodile Dundee style version with a serrated edge?"
"Ah, you mean our patented super-potent tiger elixir. But you can call it that, too."
"Um, sure. Have you got it?"
"Only for our most needy customers. How bad do you want your new 'knife'?"
"Man, I haven't used my old knife in years, and I'm dying to get a new one."
"I see sir. Well, we'll get you one as soon as we can."

OK I'll stop.


Meepers said...

Ok, I totally just laughed hysterically aloud. They officially KNOW I'm nuts now.

I can see right now that this is going to be one of my favorite posts. That and the mad hits I'm going to get via the phrases "Erectile Dysfunction" and "knives

chiefbiscuit said...

I just can't top any of that!!! So funny!

desiree said...

Okay, help me out. Who is Karen and why is she so hott?

I like the dialogue added by the sitespeed guy.

Meepers said...

Karen is Karen Walround from Chookooloonks (its a Trinidadian term for like a cute kid, methinks) She takes brilliant photos and has a daughter, Alex, husband Markus and lives in Trinidad. Check her out on my links, you'll see how hott she is. Seriously, girlfriend is like 39 and she's just beautiful - plus! she writes really well and is funny and cool.