Sunday, August 27, 2006

Semi-Live from before the Emmys

Pre-Show Pre-Show Show: Missed it. Don't care, this is going to be long enough. The official title of this post: Semi-Live From the Red Carpet, because We all know that the Clothes are What we (and when I say we, that would be the Royal We) watch these Award Shows for:

First of all: I really, really love the bamboo/tropical flower arrangements that Ryan Seahorse or Saltcrust or whatever is standing in front of. Aaron Spelling...bleh. Celebrity swag bags - about time they started paying some stinkin' taxes. Side Note: Wentworth Miller is just. gorgeous. I love Prison Break. Apparently the lady on Curb Your Enthusiasm, Cheryl Hines somebody, has fallen in love with her Bedazzler. It looks serious, we may see a sparky baby any time now. I'm told that "Butts are the new boobs" how so - will we be seeing rump cleavage next year? How do I love thee, men of the cast of Gray's Anatomy? Peter Krause has a square, square head and no lips at all. He should shave more. Ha! Japanese-animation pooo! Britney Spears' reality show! Best Line Here: "She's the good parent."

6:30: What the heck is Sandra Oh wearing around her neck, the entire jewlery store? I love Steven Colbert, the Colbert Report....but not as much as I love Jon Stewart. Jennifer Love Hewitt is still pretty, and I think has she been....eating actual food? Girl looks as though she may weigh more than six pounds - how refreshing! Hold the phone: Virgina Madsen has some serious boobage going on - her skin looks amazing. Amy Pohler needs to dial down the Clorox near her forehead just a wee, tiny bit.

Side Note: My neighbors, the "JoseMarias", as I've lovingly dubbed them, have been screaming and yelling at ... some 'futball' game for hours, so the sounds of "wwwoOOOOO!", car engines and mariache music are a delightful background to my thoughts. Ron Livingston is still adorable - he always looks like he's whispering some sweet nothing into his dates' ear. His ... wife? date? looks as though she may be wearing a set of dark-colored pasties under her dress.

Heidi Klum + Seal = Great bump. Isaiah Washington - Denzel for the millenium? We'll see. Curb Your Enthusiasm is up for Best Comedy - hmmm, it would be nice if a show without perfect, pretty Hollywood types won something. Tyra Banks is looking fierce... like a tiger. She's a foot taller than Seacrest - even he joked about it. Wow... a $50,000 dress and 3.5 million of jewlery. Jane Kaczmerzak or what all has almost the same bright red, Grecian-draped dress as pregnant Heidi Klum, but hers is a bit more symmetrical. Diane Keaton hawking Loreal? Someone order up another version of Something's Gotta Give.

Katherine Hiegl...don't hate her because she's beautiful in vintage Escada, giant hairclips and Jimmy Choos, hate her because she can pull off Princess Leia hair. Allison Janney... Deep crimson red, flapper style, very appropriate for her 'handsome' (vs. pretty) face. Portia de Rossi- Steel gray super-layery gown with funky cutouts on top, pretty makeup, no Ellen DeGeneres.

Big trend spotted: Greek-style draping, red, tans, princess-style points on strapless dresses.

Leah Remini: That same pointy-topped, asymmetrical top strap dress that everyone else is wearing by Versace, dead eyes and crab-apple attitude by Scientology. Patrick Dempsey is McDreamy. His wife...needs to trim her bangs and stand up straight, for the luvvapete. Kim Raver: Again with the Grecian style drapery, awesome hair and makeup. Unfortunately not so much with the eating, too bad. Steve Carell: Better looking on live TV than in the movies...I think he was wearing mascara. His wife, Nancy, in bright red drapey-ness aaaa-gain. Jenna Fisher from The Office needs to get her dress hemmed, the thing looks like a weird shelf kind of weirdly propping her boobs up, all tied up in...a bow? Hey, there's Keira Sedgwick...where's Kevin Bacon?

Second Big Trend Spotted: People who eat, just a bit. Yeah!

Lisa Kudrow - black, boobs, Botox...blah. She's wishing for The Comeback to ...well, come back. Honestly, she seems a bit brittle to me - a less well-written Phobe Buffett with a Katherine Hepburn-esque voice. Sara Chalke someone from Scrubs - I've seen that like three times and it was so funny, I always think to myself, "Self, you should get that Scrubs show on DVD sometime, that Zach Braff guy is pretty funny" (bonus: He totally reminds me of a dark haired version of an old boyfriend - those of you who know me, you know who I'm talking about here - even Scott agrees.) Ummmm, what... the Emmys? Oh yeah, Sara Chalke is wearing this half-heartedly vintage pink lace number ... and she just actually said it, "Used to be her grandmothers" - sadly it looks like her grandmother lived in the 80's and took her fashion cues from

7:30: I think its time for some wine. I don't care about American Idol. Jaime Pressley and her boobs, chewing gum and funny lil' accent that I always think is just a bit put-on. Girls from Deal or No Borrrring! Julia Louis-Dreyfuss, on her phone, well the top of her looks great in cute pink and black. Oh, there's Kevin Bacon. Keira Sedgwicks' dress appears to have eaten L.A., but well-played in that great steel gray. Debra Messing - is she pregnant again? Her deep-red hair looks really, really good, but that white, multi-tiered confection number doesn't really do much for her. Her shoes, on the other hand, rocked. Simon Cowell is a tool with way, way too much chest hair.

Megan Mullaley
- I wish she would do her "Karen" voice all the time. She's thumbs-downing her own dress? Whaaa? Ellen Pompeo, sporting ultra flat-ironed hair in a ponytail...innnnteresting. Must say, Christian Dior aside, the last time I saw purple velvet in a full-length dress...I was in eighth grade. Keifer have exceeded the twenty-four-million-watt hotness limit.

Who's this chick in the blue dress? Kathy Griffin has officially descended the celebrity ladder down to rung F - she brought a soldier from Iraq. Evangeline Lilly is so, very pretty - I think she might know it, too. Her dress is the grape, crepe, (better) satin version of Ellen Pompeo's. Kate Walsh is all smiles in what appears to be liquid silver as a fabric, plus sequins. Her hair is much lighter than it was on the last season of Gray's. Jeremy Piven appears to have brought his mom as his date. How sweeeet, no entourage in sight this evening. I'm sorry. Alright, on with the show...heeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr'es .....Conan O'Brian.


chiefbiscuit said...

Oh girl you had me rolling in the aisles. And talk about timing! I am reading this post JUST before I am about to go watch those very Emmys on our tv now. I will certainly be looking for all your people You are so funny. I'd far rather read your take on the Es than anyone else's in the whole planet. No. Universe. You should be a tv reporter! :) (Or a script writer.)

LindsayJustine said...

Wentworth Miller = hottie in the house.

p.s. - is the 3rd disk for season 3 in your dvd player? cause its not in the box-set...if so, please return with season 4 when you are finished. enjoy!

Meepers said...

CB: That's what I'm here for! Glad to be of service... Linds - I told B. to tell you that yes, I have it and will get it back to you shortly like a week ago... oh welll. Any rate, its safe n' sound. Thanks much again.

Meepers said...

CB: That's what I'm here for! Glad to be of service... Linds - I told B. to tell you that yes, I have it and will get it back to you shortly like a week ago... oh welll. Any rate, its safe n' sound. Thanks much again.

Janet said...

I heart Jeremy Piven.

Girl con Queso said...

Fantastic play by play. I was obviously only have arse watching because I think I got more out of your description than I did the live red carpet. You should get a job at E!

Lady M said...

Now I wish I'd seen the broadcast! Well, I will have to settle for seeing the clothes in InStyle.

the sightspeed guy said...

virginia madsen's got some serious chest bling. hubba hubba!


Meepers said...

Pete: So who'd you like better: Virginia Madsen or Katherine Hiegl? They were my two favorites.

the sightspeed guy said...

TOOOOOOOOOOOOTALLY Virgina Madsen but Hiegl's more my age.