Monday, August 07, 2006

Seven Times the Fun

First, a cautionary note: This is an official Schmoopie Alert. Now, onward.

I am so happy my husband is home - he's been gone since Saturday, and I swear, it seems like these last three days have just... dragged. This fact seems a bit odd, since I've been really busy with new (potential) clients and had all kinds of other things to do. Like what?

  • Late evening picnic with Christy and her family. Stilton with apricots, fresh mangos and strawberries, a bottle of wine and thou, my friends. I told them this story, they loved it.
  • Making up funny walks, a la the Ministry of Silly Walks with the kids on the way home from the picnic.
  • Rum and lime cocktails, watching a newbie go on The Swing
  • Watched a Glorious stand-up on BBC America (that reference especially for Desiree, so that she knows that I don't take her dislike of Steinbeck personally :-)
  • Worked for my old office - (read: IM'd my sister for an hour or two, chatted with my ex-boss, old co-workers and clients)
  • Tried to keep the cats from sharpening their claws on my new coral/pink/orange dust ruffle (mostly successful).
  • Tried to sleep alone - by "alone", I mean "with two semi-nocturnal cats" - this was mostly unsuccessful, so I am taaaared now.
  • Sent slightly saucy picture messages to Mr. Mooshi (don't you just love technology?)
  • Became "auntie" to a darling new "nephew" my sister, the Crazy Cat Lady got her new, biteable puppy. His "papered name" is Johnny Cash Sings the Blues - and he's called Cash for day-to-day times. What a cutie! His little mug currently adorns my cell phone screen - there will be pictures soon, I'm told.
  • Got back on the meds for my thyroid....sigh.
  • Avoiding Fiesta - this year, I just didn't get in the spirit.
As a side note: Please stop by Chiada's place and wish her Happy Seventh Anniversary - its been quite a ride, my friends, quite a ride. I'm so happy for you two - So here's my story of what I was doing seven years ago today: I'd worked the wedding (flowers, keeping the day running smoothly, fetched refreshments for the fainting bridesmaid, etc) all day, and I was both tired and wired. Clad in a black dress that I'd embroidered up and down the leg slit with tiny white flowers, garden bugs and a beaded hummingbird, I was ready for almost anything. Note: I still have it, and may go and try it on, just for fun.

Since my boyfriend at the time was out of town, I turned to one of my buddies and said, "Wanna go out?" Shortly thereafter, I was hanging out in what is now our rental studio with Scott and another friend and a nice, strong screwdriver. (Note: Yeah, I know- trust me, after the amount of work I did and stress that had coursed through my body, it was in order. To this day, I still come home from weddings and require a drink.) Later we strolled around downtown in the middle of Fiesta with a few thousand other people and a bottle of Patron silver (shhh! don't read that if you're related to me!) and had a lovely dinner at The Palace.

In retrospect: We had no idea that we'd be married to each other less than a year later, but a friend did comment to Scott (unbeknownst to me) "Dude, that girl is going to be your wife someday." Good one, Al... I'm so glad you were right, even though you were probably just joking. Welcome home, dear. We've missed you.


Dawn said...

Ah Fiesta. I don't miss being hit with confetti eggs or getting jaywalking tickets, nor do I miss coming home smelling like the floor at O'Malley's. All of which have happened during fiesta to me--plus a few other things to remain underwraps.

Glad you husband is home, I hate it when mine is gone for a few days. Life just seems weird when he isn't around. I guess that is a good sign.

desiree said...

awwwww That is so sweet. I love stories like this. I could revel for days in the fact that you didn't know that less than a year later you would be married. Now then, we were promised pictures of the dayglo bed and I am waiting.

Eddie Izzard is destined to totally by my friend, even if he doesn't know it yet. he he heeee

Janet said...

We were in Santa Barbara this past weekend and went to Fiesta AND The Palace. The Palace had NO line on Friday night at 8pm, which was a total surprise.

Meepers said...

Dawn - Fiesta is best-a when you've had Sorry - I was just SO tired I couldn't hang. That's what next year is for, yeah?

Des- Eddie IS our our minds, right? Day-Glo bed pics coming soon.

Janet! You were at Fiesta and didn't email me? Oh I'm deeply wounded.... no, jk - glad you had fun - are those rosemary buttermilk muffins horribly delicious, or what?

LindsayJustine said...

Guidelines for Cats

Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season. Swinging doors are to be avoided at all costs.

Chairs and Rugs:
If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so that it is as long as the human's bare foot.

Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything . . . just sit and stare.

If one of your humans is engaged in some close activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping", otherwise known as "hampering." Following are the rules for "hampering":

When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.

For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the book itself.

For knitting projects or paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work or at least the most important part. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or knitting needles. The worker may try to distract you; ignore it. Remember, the aim is to hamper work. Embroidery and needlepoint projects make great hammocks in spite of what the humans may tell you.

For people paying bills (monthly activity) or working on income taxes or Christmas cards (annual activity), keep in mind the aim-to hamper! First, sit on the paper being worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the second time, push pens, pencils, and erasers off the table, one at a time. When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. They love to jump.
As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.

Always sleep on the human at night so s/he cannot move around.

This is an important part of your life. Get enough sleep in the daytime so you are fresh for your nocturnal games. Below are listed several favorite cat games that you can play. It is important, though, to maintain one's dignity at all times. If you should have an accident during play, such as falling off a chair, immediately wash a part of your body as if to say "I meant to do that!" It fools those humans every time.

Cat Games:

Catch Mouse:
The humans would have you believe that those lumps under the covers are their feet and hands. They are lying. They are actually Bed Mice, rumored to be the most delicious of all the mice in the world, though no cat has ever been able to catch one. Rumor also has it that only the most ferocious attack can stun them long enough for you to dive under the covers to get them. Maybe YOU can be the first to taste the Bed Mouse!

King of the Hill:
This game must be played with at least one other cat. The more, the merrier! One or both of the sleeping humans is Hill 303 which must be defended at all costs from the other cat(s). Anything goes. This game allows for the development of unusual tactics as one must take the unstable playing theater into account.
Warning: Playing either of these games to excess will result in expulsion from the bed and possibly from the bedroom. Should the humans grow restless, immediately begin purring and cuddle up to them. This should buy you some time until they fall asleep again. If one happens to be on a human when this occurs, this cat wins the round of King of the Hill.

Any small item is a potential toy. If a human tries to confiscate it, this means that it is a good toy. Run with it under the bed. Look suitably outraged when the human grabs you and takes it away. Always watch where it is put so you can steal it later. Two reliable sources of toys are dresser tops and wastebaskets. There are several types of cat toys.

Bright shiny things like keys, brooches, or coins should be hidden so that the other cat(s) or humans can't play with them. They are generally good for playing hockey with on uncarpeted floors.

Dangly and/or string-like things such as shoelaces, cords, gold chains, and dental floss (& Q-tips) also make excellent toys. They are favorites of humans who like to drag them across the floor for us to pounce on.

When a string is dragged under a newspaper or throw rug, it magically becomes the Paper/Rug Mouse and should be killed at all costs. Take care, though. Humans are sneaky and will try to make you lose your dignity.
Paper Bags:
Within paper bags dwell the bag mice. They are small and camouflaged to be the same color as the bag, so they are hard to see. But you can easily hear the crinkling noises they make as they scurry around the bag. Anything, up to and including shredding the bag, can be done to kill them. Note: any other cat you may find in a bag hunting for bag mice is fair game for a sneak attack, which will usually result in a great Tagmatch.

In order to get the energy to sleep, play, and hamper, a cat must eat. Eating, however, is only half the fun. The other half is getting the food. Cats have two ways to obtain food: convincing a human you are starving to death and must be fed now; and hunting for it oneself. The following are guidelines for getting fed.

When the humans are eating, make sure you leave the tip of your tail in their dishes when they are not looking.

Never eat food from your own bowl if you can steal some from the table. Never drink from your own water bowl if a human's glass is full enough to drink from.

Should you catch something of your own outside, it is only polite to attempt to get to know it. Be insistent. Your food will usually not be so polite and try to leave.

Table scraps are delicacies with which the humans are unfortunately unwilling to readily part. It is beneath the dignity of a cat to beg outright for food as lower forms of life such as dogs will, but several techniques exist for ensuring that the humans don't forget you exist. These include, but are not limited to: jumping onto the lap of the "softest" human and purring loudly; lying down in the doorway between the dining room and the kitchen, the "direct stare", and twining around people's legs as they sit and eat while meowing plaintively.
As mentioned above, in order to have enough energy for playing, a cat must get plenty of sleep. It is generally not difficult to find a comfortable place to curl up. Any place a human likes to sit is good, especially if it contrasts with your fur color. If it's in a sunbeam or near a heating duct or radiator, so much the better. Of course, good places also exist outdoors, but have the disadvantages of being seasonal and dependent on current and previous weather conditions such as rain. Open windows are a good compromise.

Scratching Posts:
It is advised that cats use any scratching post the humans may provide. They are very protective of what they think is their property and will object strongly if they catch you sharpening your claws on it. Being sneaky and doing it when they aren't around won't help, as they are very observant. If you are an outdoor kitty, trees are good. Sharpening your claws on a human is not recommended.

Humans have three primary functions: to feed us, to play with and give attention to us, and to clean the litter box. It is important to maintain one's Dignity when around humans so that they will not forget who is the master of the house. Humans need to know basic rules. They can be taught if you start early and are consistent.