Sunday, November 05, 2006

System Not Responding

Technology and I have a long history, most of it running along the lines of the following dialogue:

Computer: Please see your cnltr. drg. menu and re-snarg your dltr. drive.(I'm pretty sure this is computer-ese for "You. are. totally. screwed. Go ahead and take the day off.") (Alternate version: Completely freezes, five to ten minutes into whatever I'm doing.)

Me: "$#$_@%%@@!!!! Wha......how the.......#)@)!_!__@!!", etc. Rinse, repeat, add someone coming over and saying, "It's SO. EASY. You just......" and proceeds to repeat the same flappin' action I've just performed, my blood pressure spiking. Shame.

Once, I actually had a "Talkback Incident" (somewhat common in Macs) where the computer said, "This was not my fault." in a creepy, evil, Hal-like voice, in response to my phrase, "stupid computer, why won't it just ____". Happily my sister was sitting right next to me and can verify this story. This served the dual purpose saving me from investigating the wide world of anti-psychosis drugs and gives me a bit of credibility, in case you think that story should be chalked up to a champagne bubble to many.

Growing up when making the turtle on the Mac walk around and create a little rainbow-colored flashy sequence or playing Oregon Trail was the extent of the options, I was invariably the kid with a hand in the air and a pained expression on my face.

Later on, I was able to parlay my amazing system-freezing talents (the ability to freeze
thirty networked computers within five minutes of entering a room) into a number of useful things; getting extensions on papers that I had barely started, fairly good typing speed, suddenly 'free' periods (which may or may not have been used to visit the beach) and the occasional helpless eyeroll/free homework pass from a teacher. Generally, the eyeroll would be from a teacher who could not stand to watch me squirm like a worm on a hook for one more minute on a beautiful Friday afternoon. Good old Carp High education - I managed to put together a good portion of my junior years' yearbook while working on my tan.

These days we are an all-Mac household, but I am painfully slow to pick up any sort of computer tricks (to say nothing of my nunchuck or bowhunting skills) or cotton on to any technology of any sort. Notice the use of the phrase "cotton on" here. As a blogger-in-training, I'm not part of a Flickr pool (mostly due to the tragic dissapearance of Ruby), I don't get linked very often, I haven't a clue how to customize a template or make a cool "button" link, and most of the time, it doesn't bother me.

What does bother me is the fear of being left so far behind in technological advances that I will cease to be able to communicate with the outside world. So I ask you, reader(s?)...what techie tips have you found a) simple b) helpful c) useful in day-to-day life or blogging?

5 comments:

Janet said...

Just the fact that you use Macs already puts you ahead of the curve. At least that is what I tell myself.

Do you read your blogs using Safari's built in RSS-feeder? It's a major time saver, thereby freeing up more time to comment on blogs, which will eventually generate more readers and more links. (I linked to you this weekend, see?)

Dawn said...

I want to hear the tips too...as I am so very limited in what I know/can do.

desiree said...

*sigh* Oregon Trail. You lost half your team to shingles! Must ford a river! Time to go hunting.

Loved that game.

I have no technology tips. What with the state of my current job and keeping a fair sized financial institution running I plan to retire (soon) and move to a cave and never, ever learn to use an ipod, EVER.

Maya said...

Hi Janet! I DID see that link, actually, thanks much - I agree, Macs are WAY EASIER to deal with. Now what is this rss feed thingy you speak of?

Dawn/Des: Don't give up. iPods are your friend.

desiree said...

It is not giving up so much as protesting the inevitable onslaught on androids.